Ashley

Writing in Role

            A visitor, Mr. Jaggers, had come to the shop in which Joe and Pip practice their trade when he told them about how Pip had received a fortune and that he would like Pip to come to England in order to become a gentleman. Whereas Pip was excited and eager to go, Joe had some mixed feelings to see the boy who had become like flesh and blood and who he had known since Pip was a baby go.

            At first I was a bit skeptical on what this man could want coming to the shop looking for Pip, until he said that wanted to take Pip with him to England and make him a gentleman since Pip had come across some fortune which then left me feeling dumbfounded. Pip was so eager to go and I couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of him, but at the same time I felt a bit betrayed. How could he so easily agree to go with this man he just met without a second thought? I wanted what was best for Pip, but at the same time it was heart breaking to see him suddenly go without any warning. It was hard to take in all of a sudden hearing that Pip was going to leave all of a sudden. I was also a bit angry at myself because I never knew this was how he felt all along when I thought we were as close as could be.

            Some part of me didn’t want to see Pip go because it felt like Pip was going to be along for much longer and I felt proud to have been able to teach him how to take up this trade. It was like having a son to follow in your footsteps. The man then offered to pay a generous amount in order to pay for the services I would be losing once Pip leaves. This sparked a feeling of rage inside of me and for once I wanted to hit and yell at someone so badly and the thoughts going through my head were indescribable. I couldn’t help it but to let the words if you think as Money can make compensation to me for the loss of the little child—what come to the forge—and ever the best of friends escape my lips. How could this man think that his charity towards me or him being considerate could ever replace Pip? For having Pip around was never mainly because of the services or that I would have someone to take over my work for me, Pip was and will always be someone who is more than just a dear friend of mine or a son and will always be whether we are blood related or not.  

            Pip had to hold be back because if he had not then I surely would have hit this man out of rage. After the man left, I had calmed down a bit, but it did not help much because I had to face that soon Pip would be leaving and I won’t hold him back. Seeing Pip off left a dull ache in my heart, but if anything at least I would know that even once he leaves, we will still be friends and that I should be proud to see Pip off to pursue what he really wants.

                 After having met with Joe, Pip asked when he can come again, but Ms. Havisham told him that he needs not come back there anymore. Estella saw them off as they left and Pip did not know if or when he would get to see her again.

            I looked back at Estella and the house one last time before leaving. It’s funny how things had changed so fast. When I had first started coming here I could not wait until the moment I left. I had to hold back tears for I did not want to give Estella the pleasure of seeing me cry and have her feel even more superior to me than she already did. I used to have a storm of emotion inside of me for there was anger, sadness and dread. Angry at Estella for acting the way she did and that I could do nothing but put up with it for I had to behave. Sad that she made me feels so inferior and hate the things about me that I never gave a second thought to. Dread that I would have to go back there again, but those feeling had gradually begun to change and were replaced by new ones. As I glanced back I watched as she began to walk away seeing those auburn curls that were so much like the leaves in the fall bounce up and down the way they always did when she walked like they moved to their own rhythm. At once I had thought that she was only beauty on the outside but that feeling had also changed as I know she could be beautiful on the inside also. I felt sadness once more, but it was different this time for there was also a feeling of longing. As I turned to walk away, I hoped that we would also be able to meet once more, and that I would be able to see her in a new way
                                              

               When Herbert and Pip had met back up over all those years and Pip finding out that Herbert was the boy who he had fought with all those years ago they decide to have dinner together and end up becoming good friends. During dinner, Herbert told Pip the story about Ms. Havisham’s love all those years ago. This also ties to the reason why Ms. Havisham is inviting boys over to play with Estella so that she could charm them instead of the other way around and that the same thing won’t happen to Estella like it did to Ms. Havisham.   

            As I was getting ready for my wedding, I couldn’t think of a day that could make me any happier. I was finally going to get married to the man who I fell in love with and so I could call him mine as he would call me his. Everything was ready and I was just waiting for him to arrive. It made me both happy and nervous with excitement and so I thought this day couldn’t me any more perfect. That was until I got the letter which made everything seem like it had changed from bright, vivid, and lively colors to a dull world of black and white. I thought I had found someone who I could love and trust in but it turned out I was only being played for a fool.

I stopped all the clocks in the house for in that moment it felt like time had stopped for me. I was heartbroken and in a rage. With feelings of pure anguish and burning hatred, I let out a scream as I couldn’t hold back the feelings inside. I screamed in between gasping sobs that made my chest ache and it was so hard to breathe. How I was so young and naïve and foolish back then to believe that he ever cared for me, and that he was always one to show off; the whole thing was just another act to him so he could get what he wanted. I have never hated and loved someone so much in that moment and I had been blinded by his false promises. I also hated my brother for being the horrible man that he was and how he had been in on it only made me all the more angry. This pain was not something I would want to suffer ever again.